Love Kills lyrics

Love Kills

all lyrics by Guy
© 1994 Vengeance Incorporated used by permission
click song title to view lyrics/ liner notes

Someday Soon

Now you’ve done it- now you’ve really done it
Now you’ve given it all away
Made your decision like a natural woman
You’ll regret it all someday
Left home with a broken promise
Clothes on your back and an IOU
Don’t think that you can ever change me
I don’t give shit what you do
And I, I can sleep at night
I don’t care if it’s right
I won’t put up a fight
I don’t need you no more
Haven’t seen you in 48 hours
Haven’t called, haven’t said a word
Left a message with your old man’s girlfriend
She just hung up like she hadn’t heard
I can take it, I can really take it
I can see that I will be all right
I’m sick of your naggin’ bullshit
I’m tired of the spit and spite
Don’t try to make me say I’m sorry
It won’t work, not like a thousand times before
I told you once, I told you runnin’
Don’t let your fat ass get hit by the door
And I, I’m fine on my own
I can live alone- don’t think you’re the only one
I don’t care what you do
Someday soon, you’ll be sorry
You’ll regret all the things you’ve done
Someday soon, you’ll be sad and lonely
But it will be too late, cuz I’ll be gone

Most of the songs on this album are pretty cynical about love, as the title suggests, and this one is good as any to start them off. This project took so long (over 2 years, while the band was in a state of upheaval) that it spans the breakup of one of my relationships, through the starting until the stormy ending of another, so the songs are kind of directed at no one in particular, just all the heartless girls who fucked me around (I may share some of blame, but hey, let them write their own songs slamming me).

This song was subconsciously (that’s my story, anyway) lifted from an Alice Cooper lick. We played it live regularly, even after we switched to cover tunes. It was the first one written for the Project 4 sessions, what we called the 4th proposed album before we basically abandoned it.

This was one of last 6 songs the band worked on together in the studio and the only real “Vengeance” songs on the album, in that we all had input on them.

Stay

Stay, stay if you will
Listen to me as I sing out the words soft and still
Listen to more than the words
Hear, hear what I say
Beneath all the layers of guilt stripped away
You can feel more than the words
Come to me lay down beside me and cling to me
Pour out the sound of your heart as you sing
To my eyes
Stay, stay with me now
Reach out and touch all the things
That your mind won’t allow
There’s nothing holding you here
Close, close out your world
Forget all the madness
The sorrow and pain you’ve endured
Just one more step and you’re free
Open the door let me into your memory
Tell me your fears secret lies, sins and jealousies
Why, why do you wait?
There’s nothing more I can do to believe in you
Try to imagine what eyes never see
Look beyond the hard horizon
Just below the sun rising
Between the earth and the sky and the sea
Open your eyes and see me

This one, with the opener, sets the pattern, the rockers are cynical and bitter, the slow songs are more idealistic and melodic. Its hard to be cynically melodic, for me. Very nice song, musically, I like this one a lot, still.

I like how the string hits come in on the second half of the second verse, and the interlude just before it, working with the guitars. I think my lead vocals work when they really kick in and get gritty. The intro is sketchy, though.

This is one of those songs that sits around for years, at least some of the riffs and parts of it. The opening bass part was in a song for the Bad Crazy sessions but I abandoned it but still kept the lick around. I had been doing that bridge part on guitar since before I started playing bass in the band, I just never figured out how to use it. It seemed to fit in this very unconventional song.

Chuck does a nice job with the rolls and fills on that part. I remember he was having trouble thinking of different rolls so it wouldn’t all sound like bomp-de-biddle-bomp and Mike sticking his head out of the control room door and telling him ideas for rolls, just “singing” them, and we pieced it together with punch-ins as much as possible, which is tough with drums, it doesn’t work at all over cymbal decay.

The vocal parts still sound a little out here and there, we had gotten very ambitious at this point about stacking them. Also evident is my fascination with the Ensoniq Mirage (as well as Curt, he liked it so much he bought one too) and it was used to the hilt on this song. Sampled violins, strings and flutes back the first part. I especially like the “stings” on the second verse after the little interlude.

The fade-out over the dissonance works nice too, a bitch to mix down, a lot of elements.Mike and I spent a lot of time on this one, but the backing vocals still sound a bit out to me. On the build-up Mike added a nice guitar part, and I went for a heavy-metal reggae feel on the ending. The ending fill lead is the last stuff Curt recorded with Vengeance.

Don’t Say Goodnight

Don’t say goodnight, until tonight becomes tomorrow
We ain’t said all we came to say
It’s not too late, it’s not too big
Too cold, too evil
To make a change, to try and find a way
I know times been hard
And it ain’t always been easy
We’ve had our share of ups and downs
But through it all girl
We always had each other
Please don’t take it all away from me now
I’d give back all of my tomorrows
To get back one more yesterday
The years I spent with you were the
Best years of my life
I always thought you felt the same

Along the lines of Goodbye ’89 musically, out to write a power ballad for the album, and this is what I came up with.

More whining about lost love, this time, instead of lost youth and opportunities. Very nice melodic solo by Curt, we could always count on him coming up with something fresh, original, technically proficient and still very fitting with our style. I got the idea for the rise in key during the solo from “These Are the Days of Our Lives” from the Queen Innuendo album, which had come out not long before.

I also noticed years later I’d lifted a line from “Me and Bobby McGee”, which is kind of weird. We also played this song live, with Mike on acoustic. He might have switched to electric halfway through, I can’t remember. We were doing Seasons of Wither at the time and he played acoustic on that.

We also did Queen’s ’39 with me on 12-string and Mike on 6-string acoutics and Chuck on the kick halfway through and everyone singing backups. This song was part of an acoustic mini-set in our main set during that period.

Just One Night

Just One Night, two hearts came together
Touched our lives
Changed the world forever
I saw you, then I knew
That it would be all right
Your green eyes, I saw the love I’d needed
All my life, I’ll never stop believing
It could be you and me as the years go by
I can recall a time when I thought that
I had lost it all
I never realized how hard I’d fall
I was so far gone
But now you’re here
And all my doubts and worries disappear
Nothing matters long as you are near
It will be okay; everything’s all right
Our whole world has changed
It’s all new and strange
It took just one night
You and I, we should be together
All our lives
Just you and me together
Side by side, wrong or right
You can count on me
Right here and now
That’s all that really matters
Years from now
We’ll look back at what we had here
Morning light ends the night
Starts a brand new day

Pretty smarmy, but fits the music, which is smarmy too. I still like the song, but the lyrics are a little weak.

I was tempted to fix them retroactively (if someone said “hey, that’s not what’s on the recording” I could always claim bad enunciation), but decided in the interest of not re-writing history I gotta live with them now. So, for better or worse, are all the lyrics as they were written.I always thought it a bit dishonest of directors who re-cut movies when they re-released them on DVD and such.

Hey, its representative of the time it was done, let it stand. Absolutely terrible mix, the vocals are way too up front. This song would never have been included on a Vengeance album had the band still been active and involved when I finally put it together. I’m sure some people who had purchased earlier albums were pretty disgusted with this kind of stuff, but I was past caring by then, and I liked the song.

Phone

Don’t touch the phone
Don’t call that girl
She’s got the power to burn
You’re gonna fuck up-gonna wreck your world
She’s got the will and the key to your heart
She’s got the power to make you start it all again
Leave it alone, you’d better
Gonna just let it lay
If you pick up that phone you’ve got
The rest of your life to pay
Don’t let her into your mind
Don’t let her see it cry
She’s got you believing you’re nothing
If you’re nothing if you’re not with her
You don’t need all that pain
That’s not why you are here
You deserve better than that
You’ve got your whole life
You know you’re nothin’- less than nothin’
If you’re not with that girl
How can you face another day
How can you face the whole world
What makes you think you’re worth
Anything if you’re not with her
If she thinks you’re good for nothing
Then that’s all you’re good for
You gotta run, you gotta go
If you’re gonna live on you got to let her go

Ultra-bitter techno-grind screamer.

I think I was trying to do White Zombie here, a kind of low-budget version. Basically I got a concept and made up the lyrics as I tracked the vocals. Reading the lyrics without the music they seem a little disjointed, but they scan very naturally with the music.

The ending I really let loose with some pain and primal scream therapy. Got that woman right out of my system, as well as quantities of phlegm. As an added attraction, if you can decipher the words, the chorus is me screaming her actual phone number at the time (without the area code, so it was of limited use to anyone wanting to research our influences).

Alas, its long dead now, just like her, to me. So there.

Sonora

Got a rush like a thousand miles an hour
Got a burn like a freezing rain
Hold tight to a steel steamin’ diesel
100 megatons of fire and pain
I see your eyes and they burn with a fever
Like the glare of the midday sun
Cross the desert like a snake-bit weasel
Doin’ ev’rything that shouldn’t be done
Oh Billy, why’d you have to do it?
Why’d you have to go too far
Shoot first, then you broke the window
Burnin’ off the wheels of your car
Told that same old story once too often
’bout the way they shot him down
Didn’t mean to kill his wife and children
They just lived too fast baby
You ended up shootin’ out the end of your gun
Pressure’s on like a red hot pistol
Needed cash, had to make our way South
Robbed a cantina outside Magdelena
The bar-man put one right in your mouth
Told that same old story once too often
’bout the way they shot him down
You didn’t mean to die last Sunday
You just went too far Billy
Ended up, speaking out the end of your gun
Got a rush like one hundred miles an hour
Got a freeze like a burning rain
You just lived way too fast
You just went way to far
Ended up on the wrong side of a gun

This is supposed to be the story of a guy who gets involved with a girl named Billy who talks him into doing armed robberies, and supposedly no one would be harmed, but she goes on a shooting rampage and kills innocent people just for a thrill kill. Then she ends up getting shot down. Lots of desert imagery.Good premise for a movie or something, probably been done.

I just thought it was interesting to take it from the aspect that the girl drags the guy into a life of violence instead of the usual opposite effect. Love literally kills here.There was supposed to be a guitar solo in the middle where the spoken part is, but it never got done. I guess I just forgot about it because it would have been simple to throw one in myself or Mike could have done it, Curt being unavailable by the time I got around to cleaning up all the tracks and mixing it all down.

Maybe I’ll throw one in there and remix it, the mix is not so good anyway.

That’s Not How It Feels

I can’t change your mind
So how can I change your heart
You say that we’re better off if we’re apart
Well I’m sorry to disagree
But that’s not how it feels to me
There’s a look in your eyes
That I’ve never seen before
Why can’t we go back to how it used to be
What have I lost that you used to see in me
I know that I’m still the same
But in your eyes I guess I’ve changed
It’s nobody’s fault
But I’ll be happy to take the blame
Tell me why you stopped believin’
You won’t say why you’re leavin’
How can I go on breathin’
If you go away, I won’t last another day
I miss you, even when I’m dreamin’
My heart is sore and grievin’
I can’t help but believin’
You’ll be back some day
I’m crazy, and I don’t know how to tell you
I’m out of lines to sell you
I only hope you’ll see
That we were meant to be
You and me- meant to be- you and me
I can’t change your mind
So how can I change your heart
You say we’re better off if we’re apart
Well I’m sorry to disagree
But that’s not how it feels to me

This is one of my favorites, and a direction we might have tried if the band had continued.

This I had intended to try to get the band to play if we could make it more of a power ballad, but it would have been a struggle.

There was kind of a curse to doing the involved and heavily produced demos I was doing at the time, because I got a real picture in my head and on tape of exactly how I wanted the song to go, and was pretty proficient at programming a drum machine, then trying to get Chuck to reproduce it almost exactly, which, looking back, was probably very frustrating for him, and I’m sorry about it now, but hey, the stuff sounds pretty good so I think it was worth it.

On the instrumental break, when that riff comes in, particularly, I had a feel I wanted to get, with those accents, then back to the regular beat after so many measure, back and forth, and I remember persisting in getting it just the way I wanted it. I realize now I must have been a prick to work with sometimes.

It’s a very definite groove and much different than anything on previous albums, but Chuck is a pretty versatile drummer and stayed with us after Vengeance folded and we played alternative stuff and radio music, and this isn’t much different from that, even if it is worlds away from metal.

This is very melodic but with metal elements, the guitars. It would have been heavier had Curt and Mike contributed the guitars instead of me, and probably with less strings. A very complete song, lyrically and musically. I put some serious time in on this one, playing all the instruments myself on the demo, and everything but the drums on the final version.

You can hear Mike’s voice on the top register in the backing vocals on the last chorus. I think he played the main rhythm electric too. On all our power ballads, the electric guitar slides in like that. It’s kind of funny to listen to now.

Thunder Rat

Lives in an alleyway surrounded by cats
Bad Motherfucker name of Thunder Rat
Ain’t scared of anything that gets in his way
Always in trouble, likes it that way
Thunder Rat- lives in the gutter
Thunder Rat- he’ll die in a ditch
Thunder Rat- fukkin’ yer mutha
Thunder Rat- ain’t life a bitch
On his badass Harley he’ll tear up the town
No one is safe when tr’s around
Friday night he’s cruisin’ the streets
Hot rat pussy is all he will eat
Can’t find Thunder Rat anywhere
Hides in the shadow out of the light
Waiting for sundown- he’s a rat in the night
Climbing a streetlight, hunting for tail
Watch out tr you’ll end up in jail
Looking for danger- that’s all he will find
Watch out for Thunder Rat- he’s out of his mind
Thunder Rat- nobody loves him
Thunder Rat- he’s still got it made
Thunder Rat- he’ll die in the gutter
Thunder Rat- surrounded by hate
Thunder Rat Thunder Rat
Ev’rybody’s looking for Thunder Rat

Intentionally goofy lyrics for a song I wrote for a friend’s band, but they never got around to recording it. The lyrics of the song are vaguely referential to the leader of that band, who was known as a really skeezy guy.

I already had the demo recorded, so we stuck it on the album. Probably would have been better off as a lost B-side. I did another version with completely different music, same lyrics.

S&S&S

I’m Sick and Sad and Sorry that it ended up this way
I wish I knew the words to make it right
I don’t even really know just how it got away
But it’s better to be lonely than to fight
Things have got so bad now that we hardly even speak
Afraid to say what’s really on my mind
Some misunderstanding will surely break the peace
Better to leave your troubled world behind
I’m S and S and S that it ended up this way
It’s all my fault, I know I done you wrong
I don’t even really know just when we lost a day
Surprised that you could stand me for so long
Sometimes it just hurts so bad, I don’t know what to do
I wanna see you but it’s best to let you go
I can’t live without you but I’m gonna have to try
You keep tellin’ me things you think I oughta know
Early n the morning, I wake up without you
Can’t eat, can’t sleep can’t get it up at all
Later in the evening, I come home feelin’ low
I wanna talk to you but I forget to call
I wake up in the afternoon with a stranger in my bed
I suddenly realize that its not you
Later in the evening, I feel hung over and blue
Oh my god what will I ever do, without you
To rule me
I’m S and S and S that it ended up this way
Nothin’ that I do ever comes out right
I don’t know how I’ll go on without your blessed love
Guess I’ll find someone to ease the pain tonight
I’ll get by the best I can girl

The title describes how I feel about this one reading it back now. I was trying to be subtly ironic or sarcastic, but it comes across as pretty heavy-handed now. I guess I was afraid people wouldn’t get it. The lead vocal track on this is just horrendous, even for me.

Consequently, unless I decide to rewrite history and re-record them, I won’t be posting the mp3 to Sick and Sad and Sorry, because that is a good description of the vocal performance. Its a screamer, so the chances of me attempting to sing it again are both slim and fat. I’m just not that angry anymore.

This song is a good example of how I’d come up with a song and the band would whip it into shape and make a real Vengeance song out of it. This, and Don’t Wait Too Long, would probably have become really solid songs with the entire band working on them for months as we usually did, and Curt adding his very competent and unique style to the bare bones of crap like this that I wrote.

Also, we probably would have worked out some background harmonies that might have fattened it up. It’s regretable we didn’t carry on, but the metal was radioactive at that point and worse than passe, it was just becoming a joke and the market for it was nil.

Again also, the distributor we had been using went belly-up, so we would have had to try to get another distribution contract somewhere, and I didn’t have the drive to do that again, even if it were possible, it may not have been. I’m glad at least we accomplished what we did before all that went down. Fuck Nirvana and grunge eternally. May Cobain rot in hell.

Terminal Man

I can remember not so long ago
I never thought this would end
Years passed on mindlessly, day after day
I never counted them then
Time stretched in front of me
Tidelessly, endlessly
One day I woke to find
I’d left the dream behind me
Long ago, far away, spinning through space
Tomorrow seemed so warm and clear
Now it’s the morning I can’t bear to face
Now it’s the future I fear
God release me from this place
Have I fallen from your grace
What is this I’ve become
I’ve only begun to live
I don’t deserve what is coming to me
What have I done so wrong
Minute by minute, it’s slipping away
I know I don’t have very long
I raise my eyes to the sky
God, I don’t want to die
Have you forsaken me?
Why are you taking me now?
And I’m facing the end
I’m the Terminal Man
Cry for the lives that I’ll never see
Dreams that lie broken inside
Damned and condemned, an innocent man
But still on my feet, still alive
And I scream in my mind
Can you hear me at all, do you care?
Sweet father in heaven, save me
From death’s dark despair
Why don’t you answer a word that I say
How many days are there left
’til I’m cold in the grave
Oh Jesus save me
A new dawn begins with the promise of life
So much to do and so little time
To love and to laugh, to hold and be held
A lifetime to spend before sleep
I’ll never see a son, fall in love, be someone
Never live to be old
Why have you taken my soul?
And I’m facing the end
I’m the Terminal Man

About the death of a close friend of a Mike’s and someone I knew also from AIDS. Its kind of a detached view of what it would be like to how you are going to die. This one literally fits the album title. I especially like the little vocal “oooo’s” thing between the first and second verse, I think I was doing Nilsson there.

This is one of the few, besides the actual “band songs”, that we spent a lot of time on. However, you can hear the solo is missing and the part where the drum fills go is really empty, something was supposed to go there, I’m sure. Only Someday, Stay, Sonora, Don’t Say and Bad Day were recorded when the band was still active.

The rest were my personal stuff I was messing with and this song and Brother were written by Mike with additions by me plus the melodies and lyrics of course.I really like the drum sound, this was a one-off session I think where we only did this one song, maybe Brother Brother also. The random thing at the end was supposed to fade out, this was probably a rough mix that never got redone.

Chuck did a nice job on the fills, I seem to remember Mike coaching him on this one as well. This is his song musically, he wrote all the main riffs. The bridge may have been mine, it sounds like something I’d write (the “cry for the lives” part). Also, going back to it at the end is something I’d do, it’s very random and spacey. This is one of the few we did without Curt that would have been fine as a true Vengeance song.

It’s one of the few of the “extra” songs on which I don’t hate my vocals. I think the vocals were very carefully done on this one song, maybe because it was Mike’s song and we always enjoyed working together and it made it more fun. As I remember, the band was already over while we were working on this, but we were just carrying on as usual. Sort of like the Beatles minus the fame and money and talent.

The Light

There’s a certain time and place in my life
When I know inside it’s gonna be all right
And I know, that nothing I can do
Can ever match that high
That I get, when I step out
Into The Light

Just a few lyrics to fill out the musical concept, but the sentiment is genuine. I still love to play live. We turned down the guitar part (which I recorded first) to do the vocals, and ended up out of synch with them, but it worked somehow, so I left it. I spent hours on the stacked guitars, for a two minute song.

I had this chord pattern for ages, maybe before the band, and the concept of the rising counter to the falling guitar line was there from the beginning. Since it was very short I figured I could sneak this one in, I did intend this as a Vengeance song, another one I’d just hack off on my own and then stick into the running order. When I would do that, everyone would be like, what is this song?

Since I was producing I could pretty much do what I wanted, the studio was in my house and I’d sit up all night working on stuff. The other guys never cared all that much about running order of the songs and stuff like that so I had a lot of freedom there. They were pretty cool about my “solo” songs sneaking in there.

Even on Malicious Intent, Judas and Blood Money were pretty much all me except Chuck on drums and Mike on the backing vocals of Judas, and on Bad Crazy I did Meltdown completely by myself, not even with real drums, although Mike contributed vocals and a cool vocal arrangement idea.

On ’89 I did the stacked guitars, and even as far back as Predator, I did all the guitars on Running Blind except splitting the lead solo with Curt, and I did the stacked guitars on a song called Traveller. It was just too difficult to notate it all down, it was just easier to do it myself, when you are talking about 16 or even more guitar parts.

Also, the parts would evolve some as I did them, so working with someone else would have been frustrating. I’m absolutely doing my best Brian May on all of these mentioned, including the end of this song, which is a take-off on the end of Queen’s “Bad Company”. At this late date, I don’t give a shit about admitting where I lifted ideas.

That’s all rock music is, evolution of someone else’s idea.

Don’t Wait Too Long

Don’t wait too long
Don’t wait too long to make a stand
Don’t fear the flame
Just hold the fire in your hand
I hear a voice, inside a distant mem’ry rings
I see a face, a cold and silent thing
When the cross is taken from the hill
And buried in the ground, he’ll come on down
I tasted blood, I heard a pounding in my ears
I wasted time, now time has wasted me
Don’t try to speak
Don’t try to make another sound
I fight the wind, and it spins my head around
When the morning turns to day and then to night
I will be all right
You can’t save the savior
You can’t stop the world
You know you’ll never change a single thing
Caught up by the crossfire
Blown up by the wind
You might as well have never lived
But maybe this is all just a dream

This was intended as a full band song, but it never got past the demo stage, which this obviously is. I guess I just never got around to doing the overdubs, or even a real drum track. I must have liked the song for it to have been included, looking back now I can’t imagine why it was added, its woefully unproduced and unpolished.

One of my few “later” guitar solos. I did some on Predator but none after the one on Judas on the chaotic Malicious Intent sessions, but none after that.

This is me coming out of retirement. When we first conceived this album, I was trying to go in a bunch of different ways, and this was the blues song. Has a few nice things in it. Actually, I guess it was only included because we needed more songs for the CD. I never considered it one of my best songs. Curt never did make it back into the studio to do the solo, so the one on the CD is the scratch one I did just to fill it out for the rough mixes.

Sounds Ok I guess, but far from our usual polishing of songs. Also, this is one of the few full songs that don’t have a thing to do with the concept of Love Kills.

Brother, Brother

Father, father
Why does it hurt so much to live
Son and daughter
Who needs the love I have to give?
I try and try to make a stand
But everything goes wrong
Why does understanding always take so long?
Brother, brother
You think the whole world’s done you wrong
You better find another
Another life to make you strong
So many people trying to help you find your way
I hope you’ll settle down and make it work someday
You always had so much light and energy to give
I don’t know why you find your life so hard to live
Mother, mother
Tell me the truth about the world
She said you better find another
Don’t lose your heart to just one girl
She’s trying to use you like a fool
One day you’ll wake up son
You’ll see love can be cruel
Don’t be afraid to show
The scars around your eyes
These are the wounds of love
That burn you deep inside
You’ll outlast this; you’ll outgrow it
This too my son will pass
Don’t spend your life alone
Inside a house of glass

Part of the second verse is about my brother, the rest are just lines to fill it up. It might have been inspired by Tommy Bolin’s “Brother Brother” although I didn’t intentionally lift his title, I swear. I occured to me much later, the lines just seemed to really fit Mike’s music, and it followed to use the rest of the family.

Mike came in with the music, I wrote lyrics and melody. Nothing really special here. This song was also left unfinished, but released as is. You can hear empty sections where it begs for more instrumentation, but we were just trying to get the CD out before the record company went belly-up and let a lot of things go.

This CD took the two years our other CDs typically took, but not the hundreds and hundreds of hours in the studio. It sat for months, then I threw it together hurriedly at the last minute, and with the luxury of hindsight I can see a lot of stuff I let go that would have horrified me on Bad Crazy, on which we sweated every measure, every track, and where I did dozens of mix-downs and retakes.

We would spend an entire night doing the backing vocals on one song, like 8-12 hours, then come back in a few days and be dissatisfied and junk them and do it all again. This time it was like, get it done. We often listened to playback right after doing it and then moving on, and that was it until mixdown, where I had to deal with what I had because I was literally fighting the clock to mix it down and get the master tape in. I had zero time for redubs.

It resulted in a sparser, cleaner project, so perhaps it was good, but I think many of these songs could have been better. This particular song is so unfinished and lacking I exercised editorial right and have not provided an mp3. I might do a George Lucas and finish the overdubs and put the song up at a later date.

The Bay

The Bay is wide I can’t cross o’er
And neither have I wings to fly
Build me a boat that can carry two
And both shall row, my love and I
There is a ship and she sails the sea
So blue and deep, as deep can be
But not so deep as the love I miss
And without her love I know not if I sink or swim
But love is handsome and love is fine
The sweetest flow’r when first its new
But love grows old, then it waxes cold
And fades away, like summer dew
Yes, her love grew old, then it turned so cold, cold cold
And faded away, in spite of all I could do
But the Bay is wide, I can’t cross o’er
And neither have I wings to fly
But I can build a boat that can carry two
And both shall row, my love and I
And both shall row, my green-eyed love and I

I recorded this one just for myself, never meaning for it to be released. It has the distinction of being the only other cover tune Vengeance ever released, after Action. This was a traditional song I heard James Taylor doing, I thought it was interesting and adapted and wrote some additional lyrics and recorded my own version.

Love Kills had been paced by hard rockers and slow ballads, and we needed another ballad, so lazy or busy as I was, instead of writing and recording another song, I threw this one I had already finished in. It also had the added bonus of fitting the concept of the album, lost love.

The vocals are somewhat uneven. I like the string parts though. This had the additional bonus of no drums, so I didn’t have to set up a drum session, a major task!

Bad Day

It’s been a Bad Day, all around
You got fire in the air
You got bodies on the ground
There ain’t nothin’ left standin’
There ain’t nothin’ alive
You done tore it all down
Until nothin’ survives
You got a pretty good way of
Fuckin’ up my day
Well it started out it was so blue and clear
And I opened my eyes and I saw what I thought
Was gonna be my day
How was I to know what you had in store for me
Was hell on earth
Well we don’t ever agree we don’t see eye to eye
And I laugh at the things that seem to make you cry
Why don’t we just get away from each other for good
Why do you feel like you have to control the situation
Ev’ry time you start to speak
My mind goes blank with hallucination
I wanna quiet life, I wanna rest and think
I wanna know myself-but you won’t shut up
You just won’t leave it alone
If I don’t get a break I know I’ll go insane
Why do you feel that you have to control the situation
Ev’ry day
Ev’ry time you get n my face
There’s just more aggravation
I hate the way you do those things that you do
The way you walk and speak
The way you act the fool
Why do you always have to be this way
I just can’t see any sense
Of makin’ you stay
Why don’t you just get out of my life
Okay, I give up, you were right
Don’t want to fight about it no more
Livin’ with you is like the third world war
Every time I think I’m finished with you
You start it over and over and over again
You just can’t seem to leave it alone

Pretty self-explanatory. Nice and venomous. The lyrics don’t seem to scan well just reading it, but it was a lot of fun to sing. One you have to hear sung to get the real feel.

Written to a particularly pain-in-the-ass blonde I dated at the time. When I showed it to the band, they completely knew who I was talking about and they all fell out laughing. We took so long making albums that usually the project would span several of my failed relationships.

This one was about a girl I was dating long before Love Kills, which was mostly about another girl and a particularly painful separation. As you can tell from the lyrics, parting from the blonde in this song was only relief.

This song was a hold-over from the Bad Crazy days, but I didn’t get it finished in time to get it on there. Chuck is on drums, and Curt and Mike did play rhythm on this and Mike does the hilarious wah-wah solo, so it is a true band effort. We even did this live a couple times as an encore.

Only One

When I first saw you
You were shinin’ like a beacon
In the middle of the place
A glowin’ light of happiness
And beauty lit your face
You drew me like the sunshine
Draws the seedling to its birth
And when we met each others eyes
We didn’t touch the earth
Since then I don’t always show it
In my clumsy helpless way
Always picking the wrong thing to say
But I always wanted to be your Only One
In six short months the world has changed
And so have you and I
Something’s come between us
Doesn’t matter when or why
I loved you since I met you
Though you didn’t always see
I think the good outweighed the bad
Though you might disagree
I know sometimes it hurt so bad
That you could hardly see
But when it’s good
Your eyes turn gold and green
And I only wanted to be your Only One
You are so lovely
So bright and beautiful
I hear you whisper
I feel you call to me
I know you’re lonely
And I’m so far away
You know I’m with you
I’ll be right by your side
Try to forget the pain
That’s welling in your breast
Forget the fights and arguments
The pain and all the rest
When it’s all said and done
We loved each other best
When we get through this you will confess
That you only wanted to be my Only One

One of my favorite Vengeance songs, but maybe it’s just because it was one of the last. Heartfelt lyrics, with some irony I didn’t catch at the time. Contrary to what I had written in the past, this I absolutely wrote to one girl in particular, the opening references the time I met her, the one most of the songs on the album are written about, the hateful ones and the loving ones.

I’m glad I ended on a positive one now. I played all the instruments except drums and the lead solo, which I wrote and Mike played, because he has a great feel. I composed it but he fixed it up and made it more fluent and cool. I spent a good deal of time sweetening this one up with keys and stuff. There is a neat echo thing going on in the break.

Doc Weasel played this song live a few times, but our bass player had a serious mental block on the chord pattern, or else he didn’t like it and was sabotaging it, which is not out of the question, and we gave it up, but fitting that the last song on the last CD is the last song the three remaining members (me, Mike and Chuck) ever played live. At the time I was really high on this song for some reason, its a fine song, but not so much listening back now.

I’m revising some of these liner notes, first written in ’97, right after the band broke up but some years from our first releases, so then some of the stuff, like this album, was fresh in my mind while others were more dim. Now I find I remember it all about equally and have some new insights I didn’t have then. I’m shamelessly mixing the old recollections with the stuff I’m updating, its all my notes so its all valid. I still have ’97 ones, so if there is ever any actual interest, I’ll post the ’97 and the ’08 and you can compare.

One of my main differences is that during the time of these sessions, ’96, and when I originally wrote these liner notes, I was still very high on this song and thought it was great. I absolutely meant for it to be a Vengeance song and expected some of the guys to push back because it was in no way, shape or form heavy metal. Now, it seems fine, but the chorus seems really hokey. The bridge is really cool and I like that part, and I enjoy the solo, but the song doesn’t seem like all that.

The production is my typical overblown build-up I reserved for the ballads, a verse with no drums then a big build-up. If I did it now, I’d junk the first verse build-up, it sounds like Only Women Bleed at fast tempo. The ending ride-out is nice, and I remember I had vocal stuff planned I wanted to do with the drum hits, I had programmed them in with the drumm machine on the demo and remember fussing with Chuck to get him to do them.

I had done an incredibly detailed and over-produced demo to this that I would have used if I could have got real drums to synch up to it. I was used to the very strong and regular groove of the drum machine for the bass line, and I sweated him on every beat, making sure they were all spot on. We took an entire session just doing these drums and getting them right.

I think Mike played acoustic for the rough so I could concentrate on listening to the kick through the head phones and make sure the groove was cool, and every single hit was on. This song was a huge project to me and I spent endless time on it, on both versions. Maybe I’m being too hard on it now, but I can remember, and from the existing ’97 notes confirm, how much I thought of this song, and it just doesn’t strike me as all that great now.

I also remember the mix-down was a bitch, there was so much going on. There is a glaring error when the vocals come back in after the bridge.

This was the days before automated mixing boards, or at least I didn’t have one, and I had to make notations on the board itself with removable marker to where the sliders had to go for certain parts of the songs because of using the tracks for several different instruments.

By now I was typically using 4 tracks for drums (kick, snare, right left overhead/toms) 5-6 were electric rhythme, 7-8 were lead guitar and guitar special tracks, 9 was bass, 10-11 acoustic guitar, 12 lead vocals, 13-16 backing vocals. This left nothing for keys or the gong, and keys were throughout the song, so I had to use my typical lead guitar channels for them and put the lead guitar on the backing vocal tracks, since they were no where near the lead I had plenty of time to change stuff.

We always had to a lot of stuff like that. A 24 track would have been great, I would have done 6 or 8 drum tracks and had plenty of room for the other stuff. The 4 backing vocal tracks only tell part of the story though. Mike and I would sing the lowest harmony together 4 times, then bounce it to one channel, and so on until we had 32 parts on all our backing vocals.

Same with the stacked guitars. I’d been doing this sort of thing since I had my 4-track, so I had it down pretty good and rarely messed up other channels. Reading back over the lyrics, much of it could pertain to the band, ‘forget the fights and arguments’ etc. We butted heads many times, over music, girls, drinking, but we stuck it out and put out some great tunes.

The other thing is, from 1980 keg party days until 1996, instead of knocking around from band to band, outside of side projects, through 20-some members coming and going, Vengeance was my main and only band, my Only One. Good song for the last one on the last album.